ugly is a mater of opinion.

we went to an ugly sweater party.

{well we dressed up for an ugly sweater party and ended up singing our hearts out to smash mouth and third eye blind in windbreakers and scrunchies at a 90s party instead.}

someone asked me,

"did you find that sweater at the di last minute?  it's funny!"

i said,

"no.  i've owned this for a while."

merry december, friends.

the doors must be too close together.

i write like i am left handed and i got new black jeans.  because of those reasons i find myself washing my hands a lot.  but the only public bathroom i trust is the institute one.  only because i saw this cleaning schedule in the secretary's office and it looked pretty rigorous so i trust its cleanliness and safety.  well i trustED it.  today, in the women's bathroom, when i was trying to get my hands back to normal after dragging it across fresh ink repeatedly {fake lefty} and being in the near vicinity of black jeans {real life fool for not washing before wearing like requested}, i noticed that i was not alone.  there was someone in the stall behind the sink where i stood.  i was scrubbing away for a good 2 minutes, apt time for the other person to take care of business.  all it took for my heart to stop was for said person to walk from the stall to the sink.  because that person was a man, in an orange hunting hat and timberlands.  and i was {still am} a girl.  and we were in the same restroom!  we didn't speak {or scream...like i felt like doing}.  we washed our hands in silence, terrified and wondering who was in the wrong place.  that triangle skirted stick figure isn't enough for one of us. i got out of there as soon as possible and left enough time to check if was in the gender appropriate room.  i was.  he wasn't.  and it was the most seinfeld moment of my entire life.

single and no end in sight.

{me playing a game yet lacking game.}

i have zero game. the kind of game defined by urban dictionary as a "measure of smoothness one has with the opposite sex."  yes.  that kind of game.  i lack it, miserably.  it is getting so bad that i may need to get some sort of self help book or something to teach me.  yes.  that bad.  for example...

preface:  i had to work a double at work yesterday.  on the list of things that i wanted to do that day "work a double at work" was in between "wrestle an alligator" and "eat a handful of poison" on said list. so, to cheer myself up, i decided to do just about the hippest thing to do in provo utah.  i took myself to barnes and noble, got myself an izzie and jammed by myself to the new adele cd in the starbucks section with what just might be the most indie children in utah county.  i sat by the window so everyone cool see me being awesome.  there was a beautiful creature in dark rimmed glasses and a stripped sweater in front of me.  i made the obvious decision and sat BEHIND him, instead of BY him.  which was the first of many mistakes...

{about 30 minutes into my starbucks-izzie-jam sesh}

beautiful creature:  {lips moving, no sound coming out due to my headphones still in and adele serenading me with her sweet sound}

me:  how long has he been talking to me.  remove headphones.  pretend i heard him talking.  yeah.  uh. ...

b.c.:  ...yeah so it's really cold in here, huh?

me:  yeah.

b.c.:  i wonder why.

me:  probably because we're sitting by the window.

b.c.:  (probably wondering why i didn't think of something more clever to say) yeah...probably.

me:  why why why am i not more clever!?  {i smile.  i PUT MY HEADPHONES BACK IN MY HEAD AND GO ABOUT MY BUSINESS}

b.c.:  {turns around.}

...

...

...

b.c.:  {gets up and moves to the other side of the room.}

me:  ugh.  {leave barnes and noble.}

the worst part.  adele was playing in starbucks the entire time...meaning i could've left my headphones out the whole time and heard everything the beautiful creature was saying to me the whole time.  basically i could've had a best friend right now had i forgotten my headphones {that i found in my parent's car} at home.  sad day. bad habit.  need help.

curiosity killed the cat.

me and my roommate are curious.  if we wonder about something we try it out and then we know.  if we wonder about the bus route, we hop on and give it a ride.  if we wonder what is so great about in-n-out provo edition, we eat there, even if we already ate.  today our curiosity lead us to the harley davidson store.  yes natalie is asking for a bike for christmas but not a motorized one and i have been raised to call motorcycles "murder"cycles {thanks insurance agent father} so we aren't in the market, but we had time to kill.  the first red flag that we were out of our comfort zone should've been when we passed an exiting customer with a long red beard and a muscle tee.  still, we entered.  in we walked, me and natalie, giggling girls who believed the store would be full of leather jackets and riding boots for sale inside, and we were totally out of our comfort zone.  the only words uttered before running out of the store in sheer embarrassment was "oh look at that cute pink bike!"  let's just say we won't be returning anytime soon.  

bad habits.

remember this? 

{uta 101:  know the routes BEFORE riding}

well i am a bit of a traditionalist {is that the proper word for this} meaning i love to repeat memorable activities.  so, as my traditionalist ways live on, i decided to take memorable ride on the 830 bus around provo just like the first day of school when me and roommie got lost.  yes, it happened again.  even after natalie asked are you sure this is the right bus and i said natalie i'm not stupid.  of course this is the right one.  i learned my lesson last time.  but, in fact, i didn't learn but instead i ended up back on a corner in provo wondering why it is so hard for me to access my common sense.  all in all it was definitely a good laugh, a memorable moment, and i think that i have learned my lesson.  but nothing is set in stone.

dwight was right.

a few days ago i wrote down in my writing 2010 notebook that class would be meeting in the library today.  simple enough.  i do know where the library is so i was already ahead of the game.  10:45 rolled around and i though i had better start walking to the library for class.  right then it dawned on me...the library is a rather large building.  multiple floors.  hundreds of people.  no tolerance for crying, even if you are lost and can't find your writing class.  i was screwed.  to make matters worse i missed class for the inauguration of president holland {yes, it was superb} last time so going to class today was a must.  why do i suck at being a college student?  just before i was about to break the "no crying in the library" rule {which i set for myself} i saw a familiar face.  a red headed girl with piercing blue eyes and a rather unique but lovely name usually sits in front of me in my writing class {when. of course, i can actually find my class}.  that same girl, red headed blue eyes, flew right passed me--who was lost and confused only wanting one thing, to find my writing class--and over to the elevator.  hey wait a second, she must know where my class is meeting today!  goodie!  i chased after her and with a winded voice i bellowed where is our class??!
the girl looked at me with a puzzled stare.  i checked my zipper just in case.  
then something inside her ginger colored head clicked.

"oh i think you are looking for my sister...we are twins."

so if any of you saw thursday's episode of the office you can see the irony in this story.  let me refresh your memory...

{as michael is "seducing" a woman at the bar}

dwight:  michael, drop this one.  abort.

michael:  why?

dwight:  i found twins.

michael:  oh my heck {yeah, we all know that's not what he said, but it is what he meant}.  twins!  [to the woman]  i'm sorry, you understand.  nice to meet you!

{cut to michael and dwight staring 
across the room}

dwight:  aren't they magnificent?

michael:  they're men dwight.

dwight:  i love finding a good set of twins.

michael:  something's wrong with you.

so dwight an i are on the same page.  we both love finding a magnificent set of twins.

awkward.

i often find myself in embarrassing situations.  now, i'm not complaining about such events because these moments add a little flare to my life.  but this one...well...it was rather mortifying.

i walked into my 11 o'clock writing class, thinking that it was my day to give my oral presentation on punctuation, which i've been dreading for weeks.  i was a bit on the tardy side, for reasons still unclear to me now, so i ran to class as quick as i could so i would not be late for my presentation.

"it's my day to present!" 

i yelped, huffing and puffing from sprinting to my class on the 6th floor.  as it turned out, i didn't have the presentation that day but the next week.  i walked to an available desk, still gasping for air (i'm a little out of shape, i guess).  seconds later i felt a light tap on my shoulder.  i turned to my left to find a girl in a purple jacket, handing me a folded piece of lined paper.  i opened up the small note, hoping it was in fact for me and not a love letter to my male neighbor, and read these words written in blue ink:

um, your zipper is down on your pants

...just thought i'd let you know

in the least awkward way possible :)

cuz that would suck to go the whole day

with it down. :)

good to know i have someone to look out for my well-being.  god bless this girl in a purple jacket.

but i don't feel too bad since the girl who gave the spelling presentation today forgot to zip up before class too.